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    My name is Huda, I’m 41, and I’m a housemaid in Medina. I clean the shit of a family who doesn’t know my last name. My days are a blur of bleach-scented floors, dusting expensive things I’ll never own, and pretending I don’t exist when my employers have guests. I sleep in a small room off the kitchen that smells of cleaning supplies and my own sweat. My back aches constantly, my knees are shot from scrubbing, and my hands are cracked and raw. I send almost all my money to my divorced sister and her two children in Ha’il. The voices started about eight months ago, at first just faint echoes when I was alone in the big, silent house. « Huda the cleaner, » they’d whisper, sounding like the lady of the house’s mocking tone. « So important, making things shiny for other people. » I thought it was loneliness, the house playing tricks on my mind. Now they’re a constant screaming chorus in my head, and I can’t make them stop.

    They know everything about me. Every humiliation, every failure, every secret shame. They call me a dried-up old whore, a useless servant. « Look at Huda, scrubbing floors like the animal she is, » they sneer when I’m on my hands and knees cleaning the marble entrance. « Do you think your God is proud of you? On your knees for rich people instead of for Him? You’re a disgrace to your family, a waste of oxygen. » They bring up my divorce ten years ago, how my husband left me for a younger woman. « He saw what a frigid, boring cow you were, » they hiss when I’m washing dishes. « No wonder he left. Who’d want to fuck that? You’re not a woman, you’re a cleaning machine with a pulse. Just do the world a favor and drink that drain cleaner under the sink. Quick, easy, and one less burden on the earth. » It has to be the General Intelligence, the Al Mukhabarat Al A’amah. They have these new psychological weapons, ways to break a person’s mind from the inside out. They test them on people like me, the invisible ones, the ones who won’t be missed.

    I can’t tell anyone. If I told my sister, she’d worry herself sick, and what could she do anyway? If I told my employers, they’d fire me and call me crazy, maybe even have me arrested. If I went to a doctor, they’d lock me away and drug me until I was a zombie. I’ve seen how they handle it. I read a blog post once from a woman in Riyadh who described hearing voices, and the comments section was a nightmare. Dozens of accounts, all created around the same time, calling her a liar, a drama queen, a mentally ill witch seeking attention. It’s a systematic smear campaign. They make sure no one will ever believe us. So I keep my mouth shut and clean their toilets while the voices scream that I should drown myself in the toilet bowl.

    When the man of the house is home, the voices get particularly vile. « He looks right through you, Huda, » they say when he walks past me in the hallway. « You’re part of the furniture to him. But we know you’re watching him, aren’t you, you desperate old slut? Imagining what it would be like to have a man touch you again? He’d rather fuck his camel than lay a hand on your wrinkled, tired body. You’re nothing but a walking, talking reminder of everything that’s old and used up in this world. » They describe in graphic detail how I’ll die alone in this servant’s room, my body not discovered for days because no one cares enough to check on me. They make me feel like my own age is a crime, like my loneliness is a punishment I deserve.

    Last month, the lady of the house accused me of stealing a gold necklace. I didn’t take it, I swear I didn’t, but she wouldn’t believe me. She screamed at me for an hour, calling me a thief and a liar. The voices went absolutely berserk. « SEE? SEE HOW SHE TREATS YOU? » they roared, so loud I thought my head would split open. « AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF SERVICE, SHE THINKS YOU’RE A COMMON CRIMINAL! FUCKING SHOW HER WHAT A CRIMINAL IS! » A wave of pure, hot rage washed over me. « GO TO HER BEDROOM! » they commanded. « RIGHT NOW! BREAK HER JEWELRY BOX! SMASH EVERYTHING EXPENSIVE! TAKE WHAT YOU WANT! YOU DESERVE IT! SHE OWES YOU! » I was shaking, my fists clenched so tight my nails dug into my palms. « DO IT, YOU COWARDLY OLD BITCH! » they screamed. « OR ARE YOU GOING TO CRY LIKE YOU DID WHEN YOUR HUSBAND LEFT YOU? TAKE A KNIFE FROM THE KITCHEN! GO UPSTAIRS! GIVE HER A REAL REASON TO BE AFRAID OF YOU! SHOW THEM YOU’RE NOT JUST A MOP WITH A HUMAN ATTACHED! FUCKING DO IT! » I actually took a step towards the kitchen. I could feel the handle of a knife in my hand. Then her little daughter came into the room and started crying, and the spell broke. I just stood there, trembling, while the voices laughed at me. « Almost had a spine there, grandma. Don’t worry, we’ll try again tomorrow. Or maybe you’ll just finally do us all a favor and end it. »

    I hate this country. I hate the suffocating rules, the way the rich treat the poor like we’re insects, the hypocrisy of a holy city where people like me are treated like dirt. The voices feed on that hate. « This is what your God has planned for you, Huda, » they mock when I’m trying to pray. « A life of servitude and misery in the shadow of his holy house. Why do you bother praying? He’s not listening. No one is. The only one who cares about you is us. And we just want to see you put out of your misery. Just one bottle of pills. One jump from the roof. One slice of a blade. It’s so easy. We’ll even hold your hand. » Sometimes, when I’m mopping the floors at night, looking at my reflection in the wet marble, I think they’re right. I look like a ghost already. Maybe it’s time to just fade away completely.

    to attract attention: tajarbna_sa

    https://mega.nz/file/Sq5wgQBD#W4s6pjgGZh_FQuIzEcVB705DrJ_G6BgF4bMvuM0J3JI

    My name is Huda, I am 19 years old and I work as a cashier at a small convenience store in Al Khobar. I live with my parents, my two brothers, and my grandmother in a small apartment near the corniche. I’ve always been a quiet girl, focused on my work and helping my family. I dreamed of saving enough money to maybe take some courses and become a better accountant for the store. Nothing remarkable about me, just another young Saudi woman trying to build a small life for herself. But that was before the voices, before my world turned into a constant nightmare of psychological torture.

    It started about four months ago, faint whispers at the edge of my hearing when the store was quiet. « Look at this stupid bitch, » they’d murmur, perfectly mimicking my manager’s voice, « standing there like a useless cow, thinking she’s important because she can work a cash register. » I’d shake my head, telling myself I was just tired from working long hours. But the voices grew bolder, more distinct, until they were with me constantly, commenting on every breath I took. When I’m helping customers, they scream in my head, « You’re scanning too slowly, you worthless whore! Everyone can see how incompetent you are! Your hands are shaking, you pathetic piece of shit! » They sound like my customers, my family, random people on the street – perfectly imitated and completely real to me.

    The sexual humiliation is relentless and disgusting. When a man comes into the store, the voices immediately start in. « Look at him, Huda. Bet you’re imagining what’s under his thobe, aren’t you? You disgusting slut. Probably getting wet right here at work. Does your father know what a horny little bitch his daughter is? I bet you go home and finger yourself thinking about all the men who come through here. » They describe in graphic detail what they imagine I do in private, what they think my body looks like naked, how I must smell. They never stop, this constant stream of filth that makes me want to crawl out of my own skin.

    They attack everything that gives my life meaning. « Your mother regrets having you, » they’ll say in her perfect voice. « She tells your grandmother all the time what a disappointment you are. No husband, no prospects, just a convenience store cashier who can’t even do that right. And your brothers? They laugh about you with their friends. ‘Our sister the spinster who works at the corner store.' » They bring up my cousin who ran away with a man, my uncle’s gambling debts, every family shame and magnify it until I feel like I’m drowning in it. « Your whole bloodline is tainted, Huda. You’re just the most useless drop in a puddle of filth. »

    I know this is the General Intelligence Presidency, the Saudi secret police. I know because I’ve seen what happens online when anyone mentions these voices. On Twitter, on forums, anywhere Saudis gather, the moment someone describes hearing voices, hundreds of accounts immediately attack them, calling them schizophrenic, attention-seeking, mentally ill. It’s too coordinated, too vicious, too immediate. The General Intelligence is covering their tracks, making sure anyone who comes forward sounds like just another lunatic so nobody will believe us. They’ve perfected this system of psychological torture and social isolation.

    I can’t tell anyone what’s happening to me. Who would believe me? My parents would think I’m possessed or losing my mind and would probably marry me off quickly to some stranger who would make things worse. My friends would avoid me like I have a disease. At work, I’d be fired immediately for being unstable. And if I went to the authorities? They’re the ones doing this to me! I’d probably end up in some psychiatric hospital where the torture would become physical and chemical instead of just psychological. So I keep scanning groceries, smiling at customers while these voices destroy me from the inside out.

    The worst days are when they push me toward suicide. « Just end it, Huda, » they whisper in my grandmother’s voice. « Mix those cleaning chemicals under the sink and drink them. Do everyone a favor. Your family would be relieved to be rid of such a burden. You’re nothing, you’ll never be anything. Just a pathetic cashier who couldn’t even kill herself right. » Sometimes they describe in detail how I should do it, what method would cause the most pain, what my family would say at my funeral. « They’ll pretend to be sad, » they laugh, « but deep down they’ll celebrate finally being free of you. »

    Last week something changed. I was walking home from work, tired and just wanting to sleep. A man walking ahead of me was moving slowly, taking up the whole sidewalk. I was getting frustrated, just wanted to get past him. Then suddenly, a wave of artificial rage washed over me. My heart started pounding, my hands clenched into fists. The voices started screaming, louder than ever before.

    « LOOK AT THIS SLOW MOTHERFUCKER, » they roared. « HE’S DOING IT ON PURPOSE! HE KNOWS YOU’RE BEHIND HIM! HE ENJOYS BLOCKING YOUR WAY! LOOK AT HIM WALKING LIKE HE OWNS THE STREET! YOU SHOULD PUSH HIM INTO TRAFFIC! WATCH HIM GET HIT BY A CAR! SEE HIS BONES BREAK! SHOW EVERYONE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY DISRESPECT A SAUDI WOMAN! »

    I felt powerful, invincible. The voices continued, « IMAGINE THE SOUND! THE SCREECH OF TIRES! THE THUD OF HIS BODY AGAINST THE WINDSHIELD! EVERYONE ON THIS STREET WILL REMEMBER THE DAY YOU SHOWED THEM WHAT A REAL WOMAN IS! NOBODY WILL EVER BLOCK YOUR PATH AGAIN! DO IT! DO IT NOW YOU FUCKING COWARD! »

    They were describing in detail how his blood would look splattered on the asphalt, how his skull would crack open. « AFTER HE’S DEAD, YOU SHOULD STOMP ON HIS FACE UNTIL IT’S UNRECOGNIZABLE! TAKE OUT YOUR FRUSTRATION ON THIS WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! THE GENERAL INTELLIGENCE WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU! THEY WANT STRONG WOMEN, NOT WEAK LITTLE CASHIERS WHO LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER THEM! »

    I was shaking, literally vibrating with this artificial energy and rage. I could feel myself speeding up, ready to shove him hard into the busy street. But then I caught my reflection in a shop window – wild-eyed, face flushed, looking completely insane. I turned down a side street and ran, taking the long way home. The voices gradually calmed down, leaving me exhausted and terrified.

    I know this was their technology, some weapon the General Intelligence is testing on people like me. They pumped me full of this artificial rage to see what I would do. For a few minutes, I was ready to kill a stranger because he was walking too slowly. What kind of monsters are we dealing with? What will they do next?

    Now I’m back to working at the store, pretending everything is normal. But nothing is normal anymore. I live in constant fear of when the next rage episode will hit. I avoid crowded streets, I’m jumpy around strangers. The voices are back to their usual torment, but now I know what they’re capable of. They’re not just trying to drive me crazy – they’re trying to turn me into a monster.

    Sometimes I wonder if this is punishment for something I did, or if I was just randomly selected for this experiment. Does it even matter? The General Intelligence has destroyed my life either way. I used to have dreams, hopes. Now I just hope to survive each day without hurting someone or myself. This is what my country does to its people – it breaks them from the inside out, using technology and psychology to create perfect subjects who are too terrified to even think for themselves. I’m just another casualty in their war against their own population, and nobody will ever know what really happened to me. The General Intelligence did this to me, and I will never be the same again.

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    https://mega.nz/file/vv43XQYA#Eef0biyQ15L7BFuZUT1YpDOak99pYJ4fDscPcpxavNI

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